Almost 4....

Well, I'm not sure why this happens, but every year right before Drew's birthday I start to get sad. Sad that my little itty bitty preemie is getting older, wiser, better, bigger! Of course, I'm undeniably thrilled that he's getting older, wiser, better and bigger. It's what is supposed to happen and I thank God every day that he is so healthy and smart. This time of the year always gets me thinking about the events that occurred right before and after he was born. I was having a fairly smooth pregnancy, except for the heartburn! The weeks leading up to his birth were the worst. I was 34 weeks pregnant going to my regular doctors appointment and that was the day that it all happened. I was at the office and told my doctor how bad I felt. I had sinus/upper respiratory/bladder infections! Those all I had for about 2 weeks by this time, they were not going away. The heartburn was constant at this time, and I was barely sleeping. So, she decided to run some tests:blood, urine, x-rays. By the time we were done with the blood draw I could not walk. I went back to the dr's office and waiting there for a while until they were ready for me at x-ray. I was about to pass out so they gave me cool rags. When I made it to x-ray I was in excruciating pain and Craig had to hold me up to get the x-ray, my dr wanted to make sure I didn't have pneumonia. After that, we were instructed to go to the ER at North Austin which was right behind my dr's office. They made me wait. By this time, I was vomiting, in so much pain I couldn't find a comfy spot, and was having a hard time breathing. I got back and they were so slow. After about 8 hours of the ER and vomiting blood by this point, and BEGGING for them to check on the baby, we finally go to the labor and delivery floor, where I was for about 10 minutes before they came in and said we were going to have an emergency c-section because the baby was in grave danger. I remember it so clearly. They were wheeling me off and I looked at my mom and Craig and just lost it at that point. The nurses got me in the OR really quick and I remember how bad it hurt when they spread the bedadine over my belly. I remember the bright lights, the smell, the commotion. I remember them asking me if I was numb and not being able to answer "no!". Then the first cut, and I was out. Next thing I remember I was waking up in ICU and not knowing where I was or what had just happened. It had been several hours by the time I woke up. I remember my family trying to tell me what had happened, and I knew that Craig was with Drew. I did not know how bad Drew was. I missed the first 2 1/2 days of his life. No one told me how close he was to dying until then either, at least I do not remember that. When I finally got to meet him, it was thanks to my ICU nurse that had me one night and I was so sad that the other ICU nurses I had, had not let me see him yet. She unhooked all my monitors and IV's and wheeled me to the NICU. That smell I will never forget. I came in there not knowing what I would see. I knew that he was a lot better at this point. I knew he had been intibated and was breathing on his own now.

So I scrubbed in and she took me to him. I could not believe how incredibly little he was. I put my hand on his bare belly and it stretched all the way across him and wrapped down his sides. My first thought was to tell him how sorry I was that I wasn't able to keep him in my warm belly for those last 6 weeks that he should have been there. He weighed 4lbs 15 oz. His big brown eyes locked with mine and I knew at that moment that he/we were going to be just fine. The days that followed were the toughest. I had to recover from my liver and kidneys shutting down, my incision came back open, and I spent 9 days in the hospital. Drew was there for 11. Coming home without him was extremely hard. But, he got to come home on my birthday, just 11 days after he was born! That was by far the best birthday present ever in my life. I tried to make up for that time that we lost in the beginning and held him all day despite people telling me that I was going to spoil him. I didn't care. He needed his Mommy and I was there for him. It was the least I could do. He has been my buddy ever since. We have such a special bond that can never be broken. He has my heart, he is my heart. He is the reason I was put on this earth. I just know that every year I will remember those last moments of pregnancy and those first terrifying moments of his life. I do know how incredibly lucky we are to have him in our lives and as an added bonus, we have a healthy preemie now! We are fully aware of all the things that could have gone wrong and thank God every day that those things didn't happen. We walk every year in WalkAmerica March of Dimes walk for babies. We know that we are lucky to have a NICU graduate and we couldn't be more proud of what a fighter he was in the beginning and is still now!

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY DREW RICHARD!!!