11 years

How do you explain to a 4 year old where their "Pops" is and why he will never meet him? How do you explain cancer? What it is, what is does, who gets it?
How do you handle all those milestones in your children's lives knowing your father is missing out on all of them. Each of my boys' birthdays are hard, every holiday, and literally every milestone, whether it is walking, talking, playing sports, sleepovers, everything and anything they do my dad is in the back of my mind.
I'm constantly thinking about how our lives would be different, better, if he were here with us. Would he have put a pool in our childhood home for them? Added space for a playroom? How often would we go to Waco and let them spend the night? I know that my dad would have been an amazing, wonderful, fun, loving, giving grandfather. We would have called him "Pops" because he was just fun that way!
I remember when I was going off to college, moving to College Station, and how proud of me he was...even though I was going to Texas A&M! I was so scared to leave home because he had already been diagnosed, and I knew it wasn't good. He told me that he was going to live long enough to put green jello in my kids' hair. He of course did not live that long, and I can't tell you how many times I have thought of that conversation, and I just have to smile because I know he would have been that kind of "Pops"!
My boys will always be aware of him. They will always say "goodnight to Pops up in Heaven." We will celebrate his birthday with cupcakes. His memory will stay alive in my heart and in theirs. He truly was the best man I have and will ever know. No one will ever compare to the man he was. He left behind a legacy and I'm so proud that he was my Daddy. After 11 years, it is not easier on this day. Well, I guess I can't say that. I guess it is easier, I just stay very busy.
Don't tell me that he is in a better place and he is not in pain anymore. I know that, but I still want him here. I want him here. I want him healthy. I want him to know my kids, my niece, my husband, my sister in law. He has 2 grandsons, 1 granddaughter, and I'm sure more to come. They are all missing out on a wonderful man. It is sad. We deal with it. It is hard, but we deal with it.
So, on this day I ask you. Hug, call, email, text, whatever, your dads. Tell them you love them and are lucky to have them. I can't do that. I still want to pick up the phone and talk to him. I absolutely hate cancer and it makes me sick to think of all the families and lives this dreaded disease has destroyed. Where is the cure? Why haven't we found it? Please join the fight against cancer. Go to www.livestrong.com or www.standup2cancer.org if you wanna help.